I dug these up for Manon tonight. She had voiced some frustration. heheheh Oh, it's the old swift social suicide that I specialise in.
Breeding for progress.
NOW EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME:
I won't get bad luck, lose my friends, lose my mailing
lists, hear any music or see a cool pop up screen if don't
forward this. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money,
Victoria's Secret doesn't know anything about a gift
certificate they're supposed to send me and Ford will not
give me a 50% percent discount even if I HAVE forwarded my
e-mail to more than 50 people. I will NEVER receive gift
certificates, coupons or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker
Barrel or Old Navy if I send this to 10 people who don't
know who the hell I am anyway. I will NEVER see a pop up
window if I forward this.... NEVER!!!! My phone will not
MYSTERIOUSLY ring after I forward this.
There is NO SUCH THING as an Email tracker, and I am not
STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for
forwarding this to 10 or more people. There is no kid with
cancer through the Make a Wish program in England collecting
anything. He did when he was 7 yrs old. He is now cancer
free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANYMORE POSTCARDS,
CALLING CARDS OR GET WELL CARDS!
The government does not have a bill in congress called 901B
(or whatever they named it this week) that if passed will
enable them to charge us 5 cents for every sent e-mail.
There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful
flower, character, or program I will receive immediately
after I forward this. People are just trying to talk me
into doing it to make me look like a fool.
There is NO ONE who will give ANY sort of medical treatment
for aluminum can "pull tabs". The American Red Cross will
not donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some
never heard of before disease for every email address I
send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations,
they don't donate!
And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending
things on to my friends for fear they will think I am not
their friend...or by telling me I have no conscience or
don't believe in JESUS CHRIST. If God wants to send me
a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn
before He picks up a PC to pass it along...
but even if it does come by e-mail, HE will send me one
at which point I'm SURE I will know it will be from HIM.
AND if He does, I'm sure He will care enough to delete
all those annoying forwarded's in it!"
NOW, repeat this 4 times to yourself until you've
memorized it and then send it to at least 5 of your
friends before the next full moon or you will be
constipated for the next 3 months.
Diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
having the money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off
to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is
going to give you and everyone you send this email to $1000? How stupid
are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a pj country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
and if it makes sense being forwarded about 90 times. I don't
fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what your wish is and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with
you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's
what I'll do. First of all, if you don't
send this to 5096 people in the next 5
seconds, you will be beaten by a mad goat
and thrown off a high building into a
pile of manure. It's true!
Because, THIS letter isn't like all of
those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people
will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people
will be pissed off at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
-------�t ---------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs,
no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no
way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of
bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47
seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe
in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did
she smell nasty, she died.
This Could happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend
(hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and
were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could
Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
----------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you
stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been
eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even
though you're as ugly as a hat full of arseholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you
after you'd soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you
all night while you cry
about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they
like you when they really think you
should be beaten by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
cheque and leaves and doesn't speak much English...
* no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wishing to be rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll
never have sex ever again.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or
luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it
on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth,
who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years,
whose only getting the cents per letter
he'll receive if you forward this mail,
otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
knickers missing tomorrow morning.
What this isn't real!
A friend of my sister's cousin's aunt's dog's fart got a cheque in the mail
for sweet piss all and started a class action suit to rid the gene pool of
fuckwits..... Oh, I give up.
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